Betrayal and Trust

The theme of betrayal is in the air.  Most people that I see in psychotherapy report betrayals. Betrayals from parents, siblings, spouses, children, government, political leaders,  friends, co-workers, fellow citizens, and news media. The term “Ghosting” is used when one person disappears from an intimate relationship leaving the other person with no explanation for leaving. On the website, brainyquote.com, Alexandra Bracken writes that “familial betrayal is, …  the most heartbreaking kind – because if you can’t trust your family to love you and protect you, who can you really trust?”. Very true. Recovery from family betrayal  is very difficult.  People sometimes talk about betrayal by life, a series of unfolding events that leave you in a place that you did not intend to be.  People with mental and physical health issues talk about their bodies or minds betraying them. Betrayal can happen when loved ones die when we need them most. There are also ramifications of historical betrayals where one group engaged in oppression of another group. People have also said that they have been betrayed by God. The list is long. I have had my share of betrayals from people. Bishop T.D. Jakes once stated in one of his sermons that betrayal is part of the human experience. The God-man, Jesus, also experienced betrayal by the most intimate act of a kiss by Judas Iscariot for thirty pieces of silver. The pandemic in some ways is a mass betrayal. How could this beautiful planet we live in be struck with his horrible, contagious and virulent virus? Why is this pandemic not over yet? Dr. Wurtman (2020) wrote an article in the psychologytoday.com discussing the anger and depression related to the pandemic.

Betrayal can be seen as a wound in the mind, body and spirit. Wound is referred to as trauma. I have heard betrayals portrayed as “punched in the gut”, “knife stuck in the heart” or knifed in the back”. In betrayal, something deeply painful happened that was not supposed to happen.  An invisible virus is not supposed to shut down a planet, destroy people’s lives, lead to multitude of deaths, economic havoc, homelessness, food insecurity, mental and physical  health issues. Another effect of betrayal is regarding the  people’s distrust of each other and the world around them. Mass distrust is dangerous in a public health emergency. The scientific fields of public health and virology are politicized.  There are debates of masks, social distances and vaccinations with various camps having very passionate arguments.  Wear a mask or not wear a mask? That is the question. For me, I am a believer in science.

Betrayal may carry different themes, such as,  groundlessness in our understanding of the world, anger, sadness, fear, tears, loneliness, surprise, loss and grief of a relationship or person we loved. Love and trust are intimate companions. Groundlessness refers to a loss of what we thought was true. Feelings of groundlessness when we lose what we relied on in the past can be extremely anxiety provoking. It often shakes us up and threatens our sense of safety, such as, the pandemic. In some cases, perhaps we assumed that someone we thought was always going to be there for us and loved us actually left, perhaps,  leaving a note or no note. Betrayals may lead to various strong emotions, such as extreme anger, frustration, loss of trust and trust and deep sadness. Betrayals may include grief and loss because what was once thought of as safe and  trustworthy is unsafe and even dangerous. People feeling betrayed also sometimes question themselves about their feelings (“Am I over reacting or overthinking?”). Perpetrators often engage in gaslighting which is invalidating the betrayed person’s feelings with statements, such as, “Nothing happened and it is in your head”. Escalation of feelings in the person experiencing betrayal in relationships may be labeled as “over reactive” by other people who do not understand the nature of the relational trauma of betrayal. Betrayals are almost always marked by an element of surprise because we are betrayed by friends or loved ones who are close to us, who are supposed to be there for us. We do not talk about betrayals from enemies. That is expected.  Betrayals cause an unsettling and disturbing feeling that we need to reassess our assumptions about life. Who do we trust? Who is not a safe person to trust? How did this happen? Why did I not see the red flags before the betrayal? What are my blind spots? Sometimes people with betrayals in early childhood may find themselves picking people in their lives who betray them again and again. Another layer of betrayals include the judgement that other people may place on us and we place on ourselves. Many people are quick to judge the person betrayed. Statements like, “I do not see how she/he did not see this coming”. People often judge themselves even more harshly, such as, “I am so stupid/ dumb/ to let this person do this”. People use also unkind words to berate themselves. People tend to blame themselves for what happened disregarding the context of the circumstances which contributed to the wounding. Hindsight is 20/20. Perfect 20/20 vision does not happen in perplexing, stressful and confusing set of circumstances. It is always hard to see the path when walking in a fog. Betrayal is often facing a reality, one did not envision. This loss of vision that you have for what was supposed to be like may lead to grief and loss feelings. One of the greatest casualties of betrayal is loss of trust in self and others. Martin  Luther ‘s statement, “Each betrayal begins with trust” is spot on. It takes a long time to develop trust but trust can be broken in seconds by a betrayal. Regaining another person’s trust is difficult. How do we regain public trust after the collective trauma of the pandemic is a relevant question. I do not have definitive answers. I do believe that trust is critical to the harmonious functioning of societies. The topic of trust and betrayal is a vast topic. This post addresses only some aspects of this grand topic. This post is about reflections on the trust process, and trust after facing a  betrayal. This post reviews two very seemingly different things, courtship of eagles and Steve Jobs, to explore issues in betrayal and trust. 

EAGLES AND TRUST   

I love eagles. They are powerful in flight, bold in reaching incredible heights, often fly solo and are majestic creatures. One of the features of eagles that I learned in my youth is that eagles, unlike other birds such as pigeons,  fly into the storm and use the energy of wind currents to reach greater heights until they are above the storm. Then, they glide to greater heights above the storm. Eagles appear fearless as they seem to trust that the storm will carry them to greater heights. However, pigeons  hide until the storm subsides. Eagles may be perceiving the storm clouds as how high can I go? It is like looking at trouble in life and seeing what do I have to learn here and become better?.  Another aspect of eagles that is fascinating is that they mate for life. Eagles have a courtship ritual where the female eagle picks a male eagle and both fly to great heights. The female eagle carries a stick or twig and drops it. The male eagle dives down at high speed to catch the stick before it falls to the ground. This exercise is done repeatedly by the female eagle until she decides the male is worthy as a mate. The rationale is that the female tests the male eagle to see if she can trust the male eagle to help her as eagles build nests and hatch eggs in high places. When eggs hatch into eaglets, eaglets learn flight from dropping through  great heights. Before eaglets learn how to fly, the eagles have to catch the  eaglets who have not learned to fly. The courtship of eagle reminds me of trust tests. Trusting others may involve little trust tests, where we give some information to someone and see if they betray it or honor its privacy.

Then, I apply this courtship ritual to the relationship between God and people. Perhaps the greatest aspect of trust and faith is that God will catch us before major falls. Or that God will guide us up after a fall. It is better to stumble and balance oneself than total falls. Faith and trust grow over time as one looks back of how God Or Universe picked us up from very difficult situations. Regardless of one’s  faith, falls, betrayals by people and failures happen.  Many people of great faith have suffered. The key is getting up after the pain of betrayal, fall  and suffering. I wonder if that is what faith is about: get up, keep moving and trusting that things will work out . In the Bible, there are references of God raising you to majestic heights, as eagles fly high with their strong powerful wings. I love Nelson Mandela’s statement. “Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”  

STEVE JOBS:  “YOU HAVE TO TRUST SOMETHING” EVEN AFTER A BETRAYAL 

The question of trusting God in difficult circumstance is a tough one. I have no definite answers. Trusting God is a personal choice and a leap of faith. However, I will share my thoughts about the late  Steve Jobs ‘s very insightful and brilliant graduation speech in 2005 at Stanford University. In my opinion, Steve Jobs demonstrates “eagle like” features. He started the speech about his philosophy of connecting the dots. He talked about his adoption, his dropping out of college because he did not feel he was learning anything and he was wasting his parent’s money. He said “I dropped out of college trusting that everything will be Ok”. Interestingly, he dropped out, but, he stayed on campus, often sleeping in friend’s rooms, and took classes that he was interested in. He talked about taking a calligraphy class. Ten years later, he developed the Macintosh, where he used the typography that he learned in the calligraphy classes at college. He stated that he did not know that his calligraphy class would impact the development of the Mac and its success. He stated that connecting the dots happen when moving forward and then, looking back. He said “You have to trust something” that dots will connect in the future. In other words, things happen for a reason. Things that seem horrible and make no sense happen for reasons that are unfathomable in difficult times. It is only later that a reason or purpose for events emerge.

Steve Jobs narrated that at age 30, he was fired from Apple, the company that he created. Apple’s Board of Directors picked his partner to run the company when Steve Jobs and his partner had a major disagreement. Talk about big time very public betrayal. This was shocking to me because I never knew that he got kicked out of his own company. He reported that he was initially devastated by the Apple incident . He discussed experiencing a sense of deep rejection and thoughts of running away from the valley. Then, he realized he loved his work and he can start over, even, if it was outside Apple. . He trusted himself, his love for his work and that everything will work out.   He started working and created Next Inc. and Pixar, which became super successful enterprises. He  stated that Apple bought Next Inc. and the Next Inc. became crucial t0 the “technological innovation at Apple”. He also talked about meeting his wife, falling  in love, marrying her and had a family. After a public betrayal, he trusted, loved  another person and married her. He connected the dots by saying that “Getting kicked out of Apple was the best thing that happened”. Without that, he would not have developed newer technology and met his wife. This reaffirmed his belief in connecting the dots and trusting that dots will connect. Jobs’ being kicked out of Apple, which was devastating for him at the time, lead to much greater accomplishments. I think of connecting the dots often when I question the loyalty of God. Bad things happen which are painful and horrid. But new opportunities arise. You can only connect the dots moving forward after bad things and look back. Not easy. But connecting the dots is powerful.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

 Steve Jobs stated that ” You have to trust something”.  God, Universe, Higher Power, Love, Karma, Values or Code of ethics. I agree that you have to trust something. Trust after a major betrayal is difficult. What I loved about Steve Jobs is that after a major betrayal, he picked himself up and kept moving, trusting that everything will work out. Steven Jobs exemplifies resiliency, reaching greater heights after adversity. The important aspect of betrayal is developing healthy coping strategies for the painful feelings and moving through the grief and loss process until there is acceptance of the new reality. Then, there is work of building effective strategies to navigate the new reality. There is also the search for a new or renewed purpose and meaning, which can be a journey also. This is something that is perhaps applicable to both mass betrayal and   personal betrayal.  Learning from a betrayal is important.  Dealing with the pain of betrayal with helpful strategies, acceptance and navigating a new reality and finding new purpose  is all painful, and arduous. More self-compassion, the better.

I also love Sister Mary Kent Corita‘s rule #1 for students (also applicable to everyone) which is ” RULE ONE: Find a place you trust, and then try trusting it for a while”. Sister Corita was a teacher, artist, social justice advocate and a sister in the Immaculate Heart of Mary. She was a very inspirational person. 

I will end with a quote from Emily V. Gordon:

“Betrayal can be extremely painful, but it’s up to you how much that pain damages you permanently”.

Keep the faith and move forward. One day at a time. One step at a time. One breath at a time. If you find yourself struggling significantly with betrayal, please consult professional help. This material is not a substitute for mental health services.

 

Faith on the Frontlines: Crises in Bondo, Kenya

 

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Bible, Hebrews 11:1) 

 

Faith often gets tested when personal will or plans do not match Divine Will. Faith on the frontlines often occur when one finds himself or herself in circumstances that are totally undesirable, horrid and terrible. The pandemic is a great example of troubled times. Battleground spirituality is how to get through faith tests. The pandemic has tested many people’s faith. One thought on battleground spirituality  is sitting with the duality : Incomprehensible Nature of God’s Will (How can so much trouble be happening all at once?) versus Faith in God’s Loyalty (He will get me through this as He has Done Before). Battleground spirituality includes circumstances that are so difficult, there are sometimes two choices: give up or lean in faith in God as exemplified by the statement “Trust God and take the next (helpful) step.” I added the word helpful. Faith in God is a powerful sustaining force in the storms and crises of life. Faith  gives meaning and sense of purpose in navigating life circumstances.

The entire world has been hit hard by the pandemic, especially, the continent of Africa. A article on 8/3/2021 by CNN states that the delta variant has contributed to an increase in 80 % in deaths in Africa over last month. According to the  World Health Organization,  the COVID-19 has severely impacted African countries, in terms of economic, social, health and education sectors experiencing devastation. There is discussion of  under-reporting of COVID-19 cases in African Countries due to the fragile health care system. Numbers tell an important story. But so does the personal experiences of people. Faces of people and their humanity speak to the urgency of the needs in these communities. I believe that there are communities all over the world with such critical needs unmet.

I reached out for an interview with Jackline Ouko, director of the Kenya Volunteer and Community Development Project.  I and my family met her in summer 2018 during our family trip to Nairobi. I immediately connected with her due to her kind, humble, optimistic and giving nature. She is a woman of service in facilitating school programs, foster homes for orphans and providing economic opportunities for widows. She is also a woman of strong faith. This is a post on faith on the frontlines when you are persevering on faith and hope despite the world turning upside down. I know many people who have experienced this phenomenon on faith on the frontlines. It is also a post on Jackline and getting help and resources for the community she loves and serves. My prayer is that readers will reach out with resources for Jackline’s program to support the community in Bondo.

In 2018 when I first met Jackline, she was very optimistic of the future. When I interviewed her earlier today, she stated that much of the developments that the program had done in serving her community since 2018 have been impacted negatively by the pandemic. She talked about the effort of persevering and keeping her program open for the children is a struggle. She stated that her program is serving the community in Bondo, which has been deeply negatively impacted by the pandemic, with international and national programs  shutting down, loss of jobs, children orphaned as their parents died in the pandemic, growing rates of suicides, conflicts in families, food insecurity, and homeless families and youth.  She talked about people in her community losing hope, especially children who blame themselves when sponsorships for them stop. She discussed scarcity of the COVID-19 vaccines in Nairobi. She stated that she cannot close her program no matter what because she has to be there for the children, who bring her joy. She also talked about leaning on her faith that “God will not abandon her and her community.” It is difficult when our faith is tested. She is truly a shero with her courage, dedication, sheer perseverance, remarkable faith on the front lines in serving the most vulnerable people: children.

Please view her interview. I have also listed Jackie’s contact information and contact for donations, with Jackie’s permission. Please feel free to spread the post to other readers who may wish to donate or contact her. Big Thank You to Readers.

 

Interview with Jackline Ouko

Please note that I misspelled her last name, Ouko, in the video clip. My apologies for that.

CONTACT INFORMATION FOR ORGANIZATION
ACCOUNT NAME: KENYA VOLUNTARY & COMMUNITY DEVELOPMENT PROJECT
BANK: EQUITY BANK LTD
ACCOUNT BRANCH: BONDO
P.O BOX: 261-40601 BONDO
TEL: +254 20 2369577
ACCOUNT NUMBER: 0750262462288
SWIFT CODE: (IBAN) EQBLKENA
BANK CODE: 068
BRANCH CODE (SORT CODE)
Jackline’s Contact Information.
Jackline Ouko
Project Director
Kenya Voluntary and Commumity Development Project
Tel: +254 820453857

 

Interview with Dr. Alok Pandey: Bhakti Yoga and Integral Yoga

Raised in India for the first ten years of my life, I heard about yoga that spiritual masters do. In the US, I attended yoga classes in the pre- pandemic era for centering and grounding myself. I love the restorative yoga postures. I discovered yoga in my 40s. I have often entered yoga classes feeling unsettled with the demands of juggling many aspects of a busy life. I have always left yoga classes with a certain level of serenity and a feeling that “everything will be Ok”.  In my fifties, I realize that there is an entire body of research on yoga for health benefits, as well as, spiritual attainment. According to Yogapedia ‘s post on Yoga sutras (October 2020), Patanjali, the ancient Hindu sage, wrote about yoga in 196 sutras (threads) , known as the “Yoga sutras”. Patanjali wrote that goal of yoga is union. Union can mean many things. Union of physical, mental and spiritual states. For me, this mean awareness of my breath and the current moment, NOW. It is a reminder that all I need to do right now  is breathe. I love a saying I heard (cannot place the source right now) which states that all the breaths of the past are completed and one cannot complete the breaths of the future. The future is unknown. One can only breath in the now.

Yoga can mean union of the human consciousness with  Universal Consciousness or Divine Source. Union may mean liberation from suffering. Union can also mean attaining higher states of consciousness and conquering  the ego.  In the Gita, there are 4 forms of yoga for God realization (Union with Divine Consciousness) . Bhakti yoga is one type of yoga, typically known as yoga of love and devotion. Dr. Pandey additionally discussed Sri Aurobindo’s integral yoga, best defined as “All Life is yoga”. My understanding of integral yoga is that not to separate our spiritual practices as confined to finite points in time, such as when we pray or meditate, but that how we live our daily lives is a manifestation of yoga and  Divine Love. This is a very challenging practice, which I will discuss later.

I feel very honored to interview Dr. Alok Pandey on bhakti yoga and integral yoga.  I am very grateful to Dr. Pandey for sharing his wisdom and insights about bhakti yoga. Also my gratitude to Mr. Vivek Nagar for helping set up the technology for interview. I am not the most proficient person technologically. Thank God that the interview finally happened. This post includes introduction of Dr. Pandey, the video interview with Dr. Pandey, and  introduction of Sri Aurobindo and Mother.  Discussion consists of themes in bhakti yoga and integral yoga.

 

DR. ALOK PANDEY

I found Dr. Pandey to be very  kind, patient especially with the technological difficulties that were happening. He is extremely accomplished, knowledgeable, voracious readers of ancient Hindu sacred scriptures and generous in sharing his knowledge. He is a  man of science and faith. He describes himself as a “psychiatrist by profession and philosopher by temperament”. He discussed serving in the Indian Air Force and then taking premature retirement to serve in the  ashram of Sri Aurobindo and Mother in Pondicherry, India.  He stated that while confronting death, disease and suffering, he found perfect answers at the “feet of Sri Aurobindo and Mother”. He discussed practicing integral yoga developed by Sri Aurobindo. He provides health care services through Integral Health Center of the Sri Aurobindo Society. Dr. Pandey is the co-editor of the  quarterly health  journal, New Approaches to Medicine and Health, published by Sri Aurobindo Institute of Integral Health  and Research. He is editor of monthly All India Magazine (AIM) published by Sri Aurobindo Society. He has also written three books, “Death, Dying and Beyond”, “Patient at the Crossroads” and “Veda of the Body”. He has facilitated symposiums on yoga, psychology, health and education in India and internationally.

Due to my technological ineptitude,  I started recording after 20 minutes of the interview with Dr. Pandey. Therefore, I will discuss some of the points that Dr. Pandey made before my recording started. I have posted a link to his interview later in the post. Dr. Pandey talked about the critical point that Creation is not an accident. It is a progressive manifestation of the Divine. The outer process of this manifestation is called evolution of forms. Its inner core is evolution of consciousness. Humanity has a key role to play in this manifestation of divinity through creation. But we are unconscious at times of our Divine origin, engulfed in darkness, suffering, limitations  and death. He added that our encounters with suffering, pain, shadow parts (parts that we are not proud of)  and healing of the shadow through love and light is also part of the spiritual journey. He stated that our spiritual evolution will lead us to realize that we are part of the Divine Source and eventual God realization.  Dr. Pandey discussed that when we are unconscious of our Divine nature, we are in egoic mode, where “I”  becomes central. The notion of the ego or (I) is in direct contrast to the Divine. The ego is finite, self absorbed and thinks it is in control of everything. In contrast, The Divine Source is Infinite, Vast, and  Incomprehensible to the human mind. Dr. Pandey relayed Sri Aurobindo’s words that human beings in ego mode are like  “petty adventurers in an Infinite Universe”. I am no stranger to the ego and have been a “petty adventurer” many times in my life.

Dr. Pandey talked about bhakti yoga (path of devotion and love through the heart) which is one of the swiftest ways to reach God realization and experience Agape  Love. Dr. Pandey  described that avators ( incarnations of God) in different human forms through out the ages, such as, Christ, Krishna, Buddha (incarnation of Divine Aspect of Compassion), Sri Aurobindo and the Mother,  serve as human representatives of the Divine to lead our humanity by their divine examples. The other point that he makes is that when we are connected to the Divine Source, or God, we experience unconditional love and we are capable of giving unconditional love to others and manifest the truth and beauty of love in our  daily lives.  Love is the savior power, the ultimate healing energy.

I also love  Dr. Pandey’s discussion that the spiritual path of God realization is different for every human being: “there are as many spiritual paths as different individuals”. He articulates that we are searching the Divine Source from which we came and the Divine Spark we carry with us. I also asked him that one of the struggles many people, including myself, is that when in deeply painful times, we forget that The Divine Source Walks with us. Dr. Pandey stated that remembering this is part of the path. But to truly remember Him during our pain, we must remember Him at all times. That is the secret.

Here is the link to the interview: Interview with Dr. Pandey

 

SRI AUROBINDO AND THE MOTHER

SRI AUROBINDO (pictures from Dr. Pandey)

 

MOTHER (pictures from Dr.Pandey)

 

I learned about Sri Aurobindo (born as Aurobindo Ghosh)  and Mother of Pondicherry from my late father- in -law (Subrata Ray) who was a lifelong  devotee of them. I had the honor and blessing to visit the Sri Aurobindo and the Mother’s ashram in Pondicherry, India in 2001. The ashram is a serene. peaceful and beautiful place close to the Bay of Bengal. The cool winds of the ocean sweep through the ashram grounds.  Interestingly Pondicherry was previously a French colony in India.

Sri Aurobindo was an Indian poet, yogi, nationalist against British rule , rishi (seer) and  writer. He studied in King’s College, Cambridge, England. Historians have described him as knowing 12 different languages. Interestingly, in early life, Aurobindo defined himself as an atheist and later as an agnostic. However, upon returning to India, he became  involved in politics against British rule of India. Sri Aurobindo was imprisoned due to his involvement in nationalist movement to free India from British rule. Sri Aurobindo wrote that during his time in jail, he experienced a profound spiritual realization that followed upon a number of spiritual experiences that he has had earlier.  He eventually moved to Pondicherry India. He developed Integral Yoga with the aim of manifesting Divine Life here on earth. He, then, met his spiritual collaborator, Mirra Alfassa, a French national, who moved to Pondicherry. Mirra Alfassa was born in Paris and studied art. She was an accomplished painter. When Mirra Alfassa, at the age of 36, met Sri Aurobindo in Pondicherry in 1914, she immediately recognized him as her guru who guided her spiritual growth. She traveled back to France due to World War One and then lived in Japan for sometime. Then she returned back to Pondicherry and collaborated with Sri Aurobindo in spiritual work. She became known as The Mother.  In 1926, Sri Aurobindo entrusted The Mother the charge of taking care of  the ashram. Mother was highly involved in developing the Sri Aurobindo Ashram in Pondicherry into a multifaceted and active community.

Dr. Pandey  discussed that yoga means practices seeking union with the Divine and that bhakti yoga is one such path. Sri Aurobindo’s yoga being integral, bhakti is also an integral part of it. Surrender and faith being central to the Integral yoga we may say that it is even the core of the Integral Yoga. Sri Aurobindo beautifully describes that with worship and prayer and a manifold relation with the Divine, by a turning of our emotions towards the Divine, we can arrive at the union and our human bodies become temples of the Divine. He contrasts Divine love with human love. Divine Love is something “deep”,” vast”  and “silent” and we have to become quiet to sense it and respond to it. Sri Aurobindo writes:

Bhakti and love are not quite the same thing, but love is one of the elements of bhakti. There are different kinds of bhakti and that which is of the nature of love is the strongest and is considered the highest, most intense and ecstatic of all. Also in love itself that form of it which is made of self-giving; surrender, absolute adoration, urge towards a selfless union is the true kind of bhakti that is love

Pg 356, Vol 29, CWSA

 

The Mother writes the following about love:

“For instance, love between human beings, in all its forms, the love of parents for children, of children for parents, of brothers and sisters, of friends and lovers, is all tainted with ignorance, selfishness and all the other defects which are man’s ordinary drawbacks; so instead of completely ceasing to love — which, besides, is very difficult as Sri Aurobindo says, which would simply dry up the heart and serve no end — one must learn how to love better: to love with devotion, with self-giving, self-abnegation, and to struggle, not against love itself, but against its distorted forms: against all forms of monopolising, of attachment, possessiveness, jealousy, and all the feelings which accompany these main movements. Not to want to possess, to dominate; and not to want to impose one’s will, one’s whims, one’s desires; not to want to take, to receive, but to give; not to insist on the other’s response, but be content with one’s own love; not to seek one’s personal interest and joy and the fulfilment of one’s personal desire, but to be satisfied with the giving of one’s love and affection; and not to ask for any response. Simply to be happy to love, nothing more. If you do that, you have taken a great stride forward and can, through this attitude, gradually advance farther in the feeling itself, and realise one day that love is not something personal, that love is a universal divine feeling which manifests through you more or less finely, but which in its essence is something divine.”

19 Sep 1956, Pg 301, Vol 08, CWM

 

Mother wrote a beautiful piece  on Divine Grace as Everywhere and Infinite. One of the points of Mother I loved learning about is that bigger the trouble, bigger the Grace. I remember hearing that when we are in good times, we do not notice the Grace. But we notice it more in tough times. Mother, a saint,  had great spiritual faith and strength to completely trust in Divine Grace. She talked about how people react with confusion and despair when experiencing difficult circumstances.  However, according to Mother, when we look back at our past, we realize that exact circumstances (difficult thought it may have been) were needed to get us to a another point in our lives.

Another point that Mother makes is that people can develop spiritually everywhere, not just in secluded ashrams and monasteries. I love the everyday spirituality and seeking the Divine in regular life as beautiful and strong. Divine Grace can spring up everywhere, even in least expected places.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Bhakti yoga is a beautiful path. It is so much easier to practice bhakti yoga with people we love. Loving difficult people, who are major sources of stress, is a tough one. I admit I am a beginner in the spiritual path. One strategy I learned is loving difficult people, who have repeatedly hurt me, is to love and wish them well from a distance. Wishing them happiness and joy, like I would also wish for myself.  But from a distance. Remember, I am not a yoga master, but, a beginner.

The idea of integral yoga is very powerful: practicing yogic practices and manifestation of Divine in everyday interactions in our lives. Responding with kindness to people who are saying mean or offensive stuff. Persevering through difficult and challenging times with  loving-kindness in your heart for self and others. Patience when we are interacting with someone who is irritated and rude. Loving-kindness in the middle of affliction. This is  tough and challenging. Yet Sri Aurobindo’s path of integral yoga challenges us with the idea that spiritual practices, such as love and devotion, are not just for confined times or spaces of worship of the Divine or Higher Power, but, to be practiced in our daily lives, peaks and valleys. According to Sri Aurobindo, one’s entire life is a practice of yoga. For me, this includes  loving intentions and presence  with family, friends, work, walks, watering plants, washing dishes, stuck in heavy traffic, rough days, challenging interactions, and cooking a meal.   As I write this post, I realize I have so much to learn.

 

Interview with Reverend Nancy Brink : Agape Love and Voices of Silence

I have written about agape love : all embracing, unconditional and loving. However,  this blog has not covered voices of silence from marginalized communities when it comes to agape love. I am referring to people who receive messages that they are not worthy of being loved by God. Messages are from certain religious, social and cultural institutions  So I decided to interview  Reverend Nancy Brink, who is the Donna Ford and Fahmy Attallah Endowed Director of Church Relations at Chapman University. She is very accomplished with an undergraduate degree in religious studies and Masters of Divinity from the seminary at  Vanderbilt University. She has also served and ministered to different communities.. I met her through a centering prayer group that she facilitates at Chapman University. She is not just accomplished and very knowledgeable, but, has a very loving , kind and nurturing presence. I interviewed her about her service to young people, especially LGBTQ+ communities, who are traditionally shunned by certain religious and cultural organizations.

I set up my computer to videotape her interview, which was fantastic. But alas, the account that I used did not have recording device. Very bummed about this. I expressed my sincere apologies to Nancy. Therefore, I am writing up the post.

AG (Anindita Ganguly) : Welcome Reverend Nancy Brink to the blog for the interview. I have so honored to have you for the interview. How do you see yourself serving other people?.

REV. NB (Reverend Nancy Brink) : I see myself as someone who walks alongside other people who are walking on their own journey.

AG: You are very open about working with people from different religious and spiritual traditions, theistic or nontheistic?

REV. NB: I work with people from different religious and spiritual beliefs and the centering praying is very powerful.

REV.NB: The centering prayer is similar to mindfulness practices. It originated from the Desert Fathers and Mothers of early Christianity and then later picked up by people, like Thomas Merton. It is a practice of contemplation which originated in Christianity. Since God is everywhere, there is a piece of the Divine in all of us. Therefore, the practice includes stillness in body and mind while repeating a word that one chooses. Most people think that how can I do this because my mind is always racing. But the idea is that despite the wandering mind, we come back to the word and listen to what God has to say to us. Prayer traditionally meant I talked to God, but, centering prayer is listening to God and allowing space for God to work in us. Whatever that may be.

AG: This is an absolutely wonderful practice because of my belief that God speaks in silence places and our busy lives create a lot of noise.

REV. NB: This practice is about being and not doing.

AG: Most of us are so caught up in doing.

REV. NB: The centering prayer was very powerful for me to understand, challenge my internalized homophobia  and process my sexuality. As I challenged my internalized homophobia, I realized that God is BIGGER than these homophobic statements. I grappled with the thought  that as a lesbian woman, coming out was a scary process. I was afraid of rejection as I ministered a parish in Omaha, Nebraska. I practiced centering prayer for seven years which helped me to decrease my fear of coming out. After coming out to the congregation in Omaha, Nebraska, I was was embraced and welcomed by the congregation.

AG: The agape love of God which is deep, unconditional, fierce and fearless is for everyone. Yet, certain cultural, religious and institutional messages state that agape love is not for the LGTBQ+ communities. People are given the painful message that there is something deficient, wrong or bad because they are not heterosexual.

REV.NB: Yes, agape love is for all. God does not create trash.

AG: You said in one of your interviews that “you can be gay and  loved by God”. That is incredibly affirming to people struggling with homophobic messages in our world. That is incredible. You embody the powerful  message of agape for all. I think that this is very important because having worked with LGBTQ+ youth, there is a belief in some LGBTQ+ youth that there is something “wrong” or “bad” about their “core being or essence” due to their  sexual orientation. LGBTQ+ youth seem have to have one of the highest risk groups for depression, suicide and homelessness as they are running away from families who reject them because of their sexual orientation.

REV.NB: Absolutely. I run a spirituality group for LGBTQ+ youth to support people in their spirituality. The whole discussion on critical race theory led me to study more about the civil rights movement. As I study the civil rights movement, I realize that African American people attended church and built spiritual community and worshipped and this was a powerful source of strength for the civil rights movement.

AG: Absolutely, even with Gandhi with his nonviolence program and Martin Luther King, influenced by Gandhi. Both Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King  were  very spiritually grounded men with movements firmly based on spiritual principles.

AG. There is also the discrimination of LGBTQ+ communities at institutionalized levels and microaggressions (e.g. name calling) on individual levels. Discrimination deeply wounds the heart and soul. Privilege of heterosexism which we also need to be aware of. For example, when I walk to the movies and hold my husband’s hands, no one looks. But with same sex couple, people may look and or say mean things.

REV.NB: Things are getting better as progressive movements are more embracing of diversity, especially on college campuses. I teach classes on topics, such as, “Reading the Bible through Queer Eyes” where we analyze statements in the Bible which “clobber us”. We study that certain statements in the Bible are mistranslated from original text to English. For example, if you are to read Shakespeare, you read the footnotes, which is essential. But for the Bible, people do not always read the footnotes, which they need to. For many college students, the sexual orientation issue may not be  as polarizing due to their progressive values.

AG: That is true of college campuses. However, in different parts of the world, people are killed  because of their sexual orientation.

REV.NB: That is very true. The cultures of different parts of this country too are so different and unique.

REV.NB: One of the concerns I see in college students is that they do not define themselves as binary (either male or female) but exploring both aspects of gender and have pronouns (they/them).

AG: This reminds me of certain spiritual traditions, such as, Hinduism, where God has both male and female aspects.

REV. NB: Yes, in Christianity, there is a tradition of Sophia which addresses the Divine as Female. In my trips to India, I have also seen the female aspect of Divine. I have also learned that most westerners have the misconception that Hinduism is a polytheistic religion when it is monotheistic. There is one God but different aspects of God are expressed in different forms.

AG: Very true. The female aspect of Divine, Goddesses, are described as sources of strength. The other thing about Hinduism is the belief that one worships God as one wishes to perceive God, (with or without form). I am been influenced by Catholicism, Hinduism and Buddhism.

AG: Is there anything else that you want to add before we close interview?

REV.NB: I also want to add that restriction of voting rights is not just because of racism but the threat of young people voting. Young people tend to more progressive in their beliefs.

AG: Very True. How do you do self-care?

REV. NB: I love to walk, listen to audio books to learn about issues, centering prayer, travel. My wife and I love to travel but that is not happening now. I also hope to entertain and have groups of people together which is very healing.

AG: I miss parties too.

AG: Thank you so much Reverend. This is a wonderful interview. You are not only accomplished but, very generous, loving and kind. I love attending your centering prayer group. I also want to end with a very powerful anecdote which I read about you. The article stated that the   the Chapman University has four pillars at the center of the campus for intellectual, social, emotional and spiritual aspects of development. When you interviewed for the job, you were asked about your thoughts regarding the spiritual pillar being shorter than the others. You answered beautifully which is that the spiritual pillar is lower because humility is key on the spiritual path. 

AG: I love that. You got the job.

REV. NB: That was the Holy Spirit inspiring that answer. That was a sneaky question. It is also interesting that with Chapman University campus closed and less water supply to the pillars, the pillar representing spirituality still pours the most water.

AG: Wonderful. Thank you so much for the interview.

REV. NB: Thank you, Blessings

Ag: Much love and Blessings to you too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good Leaders and Collective Wellbeing: Steps towards a Kinder and Loving world

I am very excited to inform readers about the coolest conference, that I attended virtually, on topics like good leaders, collective well being, narratives of love, and steps to a loving and kinder world.  The conference is the  5th Spirit of Humanity Summit: Towards a Loving World  during first week in June 2021,which was hosted in Reykjavík, Iceland over three days, but, participants were from around the world. A  dear friend forwarded the link to me and  I was able to virtually see some of the wonderful presentations.  The taped sessions of the summit are on line, in case, readers are interested in viewing them.   The summit began by addressing and acknowledging the suffering in the world impacted by this pandemic, especially, in communities with high risk social determinants of health, like lack of economic opportunities, poverty, instability in housing and inequity in health care and educational systems. The focus of the summit was the importance of   reconnecting with core human values of love and compassion to create effective political, economic and social policy, and practices by global citizens, including  leaders, to reshape a world where our collective well being is key. The argument is that  we need to envision pathways to a more loving, kinder world. I totally agree.

The prime minister of Iceland , Katrin Jakobsdottir, made a critical point which is that a society cannot prosper when citizens are reporting poor well-being or quality of life. She discussed that she developed a commission which interviewed people in Iceland about what does “well being” mean to them.  According to Katrin Jakobsdottir,  the commission researchers found following factors as important in the well being index. The list includes : 1) good health, especially mental health and access to high quality health care, 2)work-life balance and good relationships, 3)affordable secure housing, 4) good education, 5)target of zero carbon commissions by 2030 for ecological health, and 6)better communication systems, including digital communication. Katrina Jakobsdottir emphasized is that in order for effective social change, people have to engage in inner personal transformation. This is so true. When one brings forth loving and compassionate interactions with other people, most people react in kind ways.  Katrina Jakobsdottir discussed that when a person, including a leader, is internally immersed in fear, chaos and anger, he or she cannot be part of effective  social change. I agree with her 100 percent.

In terms of health and well being index in the United States, mental health needs are noted as critical in the United States, as in Iceland. According to a recent Centers for Disease Control survey, 40% of US adults reported struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues. The survey was conducted in June 24-30 2020 time period.   Research from Society From Human  Resource Management) SHRM  released findings in 5/2020 that 41 % of employees in the U.S. reported burnout and 23% reported feeling depressed and hopeless. The report indicates over 1 out of 5 employees experience a tangible loss related to COVID in their jobs, such as, lack of opportunities, benefit of job etc. Interestingly, over 1 out 3 employees reported not having coping tools to deal with feelings of burnout and only 7% have reached out to mental health professionals. The study also found that people more heavily impacted by pandemic stress were: women, younger workers, people living with health care provider, essential worker, elderly family and people with immunosuppression health conditions.

However, this post is not about resolving the complex issue of mental health needs in the world.  This post is a reflection of some of the ideas discussed about effective leadership, in alignment with core values of love and compassion, at the Spirit of Humanity Summit. The discussion is on redefining leadership as selfless, service oriented and motivated on collective well being of communities, which are steps to creation of a kinder and loving world.

 

Leaders who promote collective well-being.

When I think of leadership, I think of political leaders or CEOs of major organizations. However, this summit presented the radical notion that we are all leaders in some aspects of our lives: as parents, teachers, school administrators, university professors, government officials, health care or business professionals. The idea that a leader’s love and compassion, in developing well-being for the people and communities he or she serves,  is a key factor in effective leadership. Effective leadership is not fueled by what can I get out of this, but, how can I empower and serve communities and create wellbeing. There is an element of selfless service with love and compassion to others, which characterizes great leaders. Good leaders are service oriented and thus allow “others in the team or community” to shine when they do good work. A spiritual component is that the leader is not serving his or her ego, but, the “larger than self” community .The ultimate example of leadership through agape love through service is Christ’s leadership of his disciplines where He washes the disciples’ feet before the Last Supper.

The website, www.teamgnatt.com, discusses a style of leadership called servant leader.  This style of leader prioritizes people’s and team’s successes over establishing his or her power. The success and growth of the employees and governance   are critical, whereas, ambition of the leader takes a back seat. The art of effective listening and empathy demonstrated by servant leaders is critical.

The article, The Real Summit Picture is When Everyone is Back Down , highlighted for me what good leadership looks like. The article talked about  a group of people setting out to climb to the top of Mount Everest. The best leader of the group is not the person who climbs first to the mountain top and “wins”. The best leader is determined by when the whole group returns to base camp after reaching the summit of Mountain Everest, and then, the leader ensures that everyone in the group is safely back in base camp. This analogy spoke volumes to me about good leadership looking out for collective wellbeing. As parents or teachers leading a group on such a trip, that is what one does. One is not worried about making it to the top of the mountain first, but, ensuring that the whole team  is successful in reaching the top and safely returning to base camp. This model of leadership makes sense to me. I believe that effective leaders are not concerned about who wins or loses, but, the collective well being of the community. Effective leaders ensure the protection and well-being of not just majority, but, also minority groups. Effective leaders need to be able to work with people having different perspectives.

Leading with empowering and inspiring the governance for collaboration

What does effective leadership look like? I found this fascinating article about effective leadership in wolf packs. Wolf pack leadership includes the alpha male and female. Wolf packs are effective in survival because leaders make decisions in the best interest of the group and the leader empowers different wolves based on their unique strengths. I also found it fascinating that the leader of wolf pack is not the strongest or loudest, but, has capacity of inspiring other wolves for group collaboration and cooperation. Group collaboration includes different wolves sharing responsibilities about taking care of the young and sick or elderly wolves. Some wolves have “healer” roles in taking care of the sick. The elderly wolves are respected for their knowledge  about survival. The mentality fostered in wolf packs is that group functioning is more powerful for survival than individual wolf. The hunt of prey includes wolves acting in harmony and following strategy.

The goal of the pack is to take care of each other. An interesting note is that “bad behavior” of an individual wolf, who threatens the cohesion of the group, is  corrected by others.  Another aspect of wolf packs is resiliency. This means that the group leader assesses the group performance, and likelihood for successfully catching the prey and may decide to terminate the mission if the conditions are not favorable to the group. The leader shows assessment skills and re-strategizing based on novel situations. The leader’s role is challenged if he or she presents with negative attitude. It is not about leader’s ability to dominate others.

As a side note and stepping away from wolves, I have seen human leaders, as parents, coaches and teachers, who inspire others in the teams to put forth their best effort. Inspirational leaders see the best in people, identify people’s strengths and set up tasks where people succeed. Inspirational leaders seem to have a growth mindset where, failures are opportunities to learn from, develop better strategies and increase chances of success. Inspirational leaders separate shame and guilt feelings from failures, and , reframe failures as part of the human condition and possible  growth opportunities. Another aspect of inspirational coaches, teachers and parents are that they embody the belief that one day the student or child will develop greater expertise and outshine them and they welcome this. Impactful teachers and coaches are not threatened by talented students. Great teachers and coaches see our potential when we may not be in a space to envision our strength. They lift us up. I am so grateful for the wonderful teachers and supervisors who have shaped me.

I believe that good leaders have the humility to step back and give credit to the team because he or she realizes that success is a team effort.  My experience in social service organizations is that social issues and problems are complex and one person cannot solve all the problems. It takes partnerships, interagency collaboration and good working relationships to succeed in developing innovative and effective delivery of social services. An effective leader builds collaborative work environment for accomplishing goals, instead of division and distrust in the team. I also believe that effective leaders are not threatened by talented members of the team. Just as wolf pack leaders, effective leaders empowers the team member to work on tasks which tap into his or her strengths. A leaders who is easily threatened tends to shut down development of talented key members.  Effective leaders are also quick to correct a toxic member of a team, who jeopardize harmony and collaboration of the team. This is very important in creating a supportive community.

 

Conclusion

We are all leaders in some aspects of our lives. We need to be good, effective and inspirational leaders to create collective well being in the communities we serve. The Spirit of Humanity Summit redefines effective leadership, as characterized by loving and compassionate values, where leaders are service focused in creating political, economic and social policy and practices for the collective well being in their communities. I am all for a kinder, compassionate and loving world.

I will end with Howard Washington Thurman. He was a grandson of former slaves. He became a brilliant scholar, professor, theologian, possibly the greatest preacher of the twentieth century (according to Life Magazine), and a prolific writer. Thurman  was a mentor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and met Gandhi and Rabindranath Tagore of India in one of his travels. He is known as unsung hero of the civil rights movement. Thurman is said to have inspired Dr. Martin Luther King to merge the nonviolent movement of Gandhi to the civil rights movement. Thurman was the first pastor to cofound a multifaith and multiracial church in the United States. Incidentally, Katarina Jakobsdottir,  Prime Minister of Iceland, ended her speech at the Spirit of Humanity Summit with a quote from Thurman’s philosophy of great leadership.

I am so impressed with Thurman’s educational philosophy that a student must understand self as a “human being” and accept oneself which is key to character development.  Thurman discussed the relationship of character and leadership and that a visionary leaders must seek the truth. Thurman talked about the “inward journey”, the relationship between “personal transformation” and and yearning for social justice. He argued that integrity, honesty and taking responsibility for his or her own actions are key to successful leadership. I will end with Thurman’s quote. 

Kipton E. Jensen (2020) (2020) writes that what “Thurman wrote in 1960 is doubly true today”. Thurman wrote :

We are living in a time of revolutions, technological and social. Our reaction to these revolutions may be one of fear, panic, and despair. We may in our reaction be stripped of all hope and all confidence not only about the meaning of our own lives but about the significance of the future of mankind. Or we may in our reaction be inspired to deeper commitment to higher purposes and more meaningful resolves to the end that in us the dreams of mankind that are cherished will be worked at with fresh vigor and new hope. How we react is our responsibility – and from this there is no escape.

 

Is the Gecko right? “Things are Better Together”.

I   love the green gecko in the Geico advertisement  who states in a British accent that some things are “better together.” The gecko is trying to sell insurance with a “bundling strategy”, ensuring that when different insurances, car or home, work together effectively and at cheaper rates, life is easier. The gecko with the big brown eyes is not just selling insurance. The gecko is onto something big. The profound spiritual idea of interconnections or interweaving of our lives together on this planet. By the way I am not endorsing Geico over any other company. I am a fan of the advertisement concept.

Different religious and spiritual traditions focus on interconnections or interbeing. In Christianity, The Trinity is described as the fellowship of God:  The Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost. The disciples of Christ are seen as interwoven into a  formal community (church) or informal community of believers. It is said that Jesus is married to the Church or community of believers. However, in Christianity, each person is granted free will, a sign of individual agency or selfhood to make his or choices.

Additionally, Buddhism focuses heavily on interbeing. Thich Nhat Hanh, peace activist, Buddhist scholar and writer ,   discusses the critical idea of interbeing in the book, “The Heart of Understanding”. Thich Nhat Hanh discusses the idea of “emptiness” or “interbeing” referring to things as “empty of separate, independent existence” because all things have to “inter-be”. The argument of emptiness is that a sheet of paper does not exist by itself and is “empty”. The sheet of paper is “empty” because  it pervades in inter-being with sunshine, water and minerals and soil which nurtured the plant, from which the sheet of paper was made. So the sheet of paper is “empty” in terms of its own separate independent existence. It exists in relationship to other things. 

The ancient African philosophy of Ubuntu states, “I am because we are”. The meaning in Ubuntu is that my dignity as a human being means that I honor your dignity as a fellow human being . The honoring of humanity between two people is a two way process. A powerful philosophy of interbeing. Honoring humanity in each other also aligns with honoring the sacred Divine Spark in each of us.

The concept of ubuntu was powerfully used in post apartheid South Africa to create safe spaces to discuss the common humanity among polarized racial groups in South Africa. 

The pandemic  adds further evidence to the  interbeing principle. An invisible  virus originating from one remote corner of the world traveled across the world and led to a shut down of the entire world. As much as we Americans value our individualism, the pandemic forces the idea of interbeing in front of our faces. This post is a reflection of the spiritual  concept  of inter-being and ubuntu, very important in building healthy communities, protecting the planet in decelerating climate change  and eradicating the corona virus. The gecko is onto something big: “things work better together”. Healthy communities work better to build a healthy planet.  

Interbeing in the Material World

The paradigm of Interbeing seems to be demonstrated in many different fields of study. In classical physics, Isaac Newton’s discovery of universal law of gravitation in celestial and earthly bodies describes the interconnection of matter based on exertion of  gravitational forces that two bodies of matter exert on each other. Johannes Kepler described the  laws of planetary motion. Kepler discussed that the planets orbit around the sun in elliptical orbits due to gravitational forces between the planets and the sun in the solar system.  Quantum physics, a modern branch of physics, has a concept of entanglement which means that two related particles with separate identities in separate locations are impacted because as one particle is impacted, so is the other particle.

Just like the celestial bodies, on the micro-level, the human body is a system of interconnected biological systems.  Environmental science teaches us that ecosystems have permeable boundaries and are interconnected.  Family systems theory explores a person’s behavior as influenced by dynamics of family members.  Grief and loss are such deeply hurtful experiences because we exist in interbeing with other people. Multicultural and community psychology also studies human behavior in broader socio-cultural contexts. Economists discuss the global economy and now companies have are focusing on developing products and marketing to a global audience. 

The Global Village and the Pandemic

Million Belay and the The UK Youth Coalition Climate (2019) quotes  Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s  definition of ubuntu in the Ecologist article. Archbishop Desmond Tutu  stated that  ubuntu refers to “a person is a person through other persons.” This highlights the interconnected nature of human lives and that human beings live in communities and in relationships with others. This is so true. I am a result of so many people who have touched my life in such profound ways. Dr. Maya Angelou writes in her famous poem, “Still I Rise”:

I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

She talks about the hard work, endurance and courage that her ancestors showed for her to be “the dream and the hope” of her ancestors in slavery. She talks about carrying these gifts with her. This is ubuntu.

Ubuntu and interbeing bring into awareness that our connections with each other and the past are profound. It is very relevant in the pandemic. For the global world village, it is not enough that one part of the world does better. All parts have to do better. Dr Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus of the World Health Organization made a recent statement that we are still not out of danger zone for COVID-19. He talked about importance of not just USA reporting lower rates of infection, but other parts of the world, now experiencing surges in COVID-19 also need to decrease infection rates. He discusses that humanity is in this pandemic together and we all need to get out together. One part alone cannot overcome the pandemic.

Climate Change

Interbeing is also seen in climate science. There appears to be consensus among different scientific organizations that science of climate change has accrued to a critical mass. The earth has a system of reflecting a portion of the heat into the atmosphere so that planet maintains a steady temperature to support life.  The green house effect includes  rising levels of gases, such as, carbon dioxide, methane, caused by human activities, such as, burning fossil fuels. The accumulation of these gases prevent some of the heat on the earth’s surface from being reflected into the atmosphere. As heat is trapped in the atmosphere, there is rise in global temperature. Again rising heat impacts rising ocean temperatures, retreating of glacier systems, and changes in biological and hydrological eco-systems. The change in water temperature, which is the basic molecule for life is a unnerving thought. Issues of climate change present an immense danger. For example, Climate Change and California report (2003) by California Energy Commission indicates the public health concerns due to climate change:  extreme heat waves, increase in conditions for certain pathogens such as West Nile Virus and Hanta Virus.

 The surge of youth passion and activism for climate health around the world is impressive is getting us adults to increase awareness of activities to maintain climate health. It is fascinating that these kids, unlike us adults, get that the planet is a definitive exhaustible resource. This bluntly means that once it is destroyed it is gone. Needless to say, it is in our best interest to keep the planet healthy.

Concluding Thoughts

Clearly, interconnections and honoring humanity in self and each other is critical in creating healthy communities. Regardless of diversity features, such as gender, political beliefs and affiliations,  nationality, religious or spiritual beliefs, we are bound by humanity as residents of this planet . We need to work together as a planet in eradicating the COVID-19 and taking protective action to protect the planet.

I will end with a beautiful poem ERTH DAY 2019 by Jim Yerman.  I love Jim Yerman’s analogy of how the bee procures the “sweetness” of the flower with no harm done to the flower. We need to do the same: enjoy, cultivate the planet, with no harm done but also take actions to protect the planet. 

In conclusion, it seems the gecko is onto something big.

Agape Love : Essential and Radical

Before I begin the post about agape love, Happy Mothers Day to everyone. A wonderful event of serendipity ( see The Curious Case of Serendipity post )  happened to me the other day. As I was internet surfing, I stumbled on  Stanford University’s free online course called Love as a Force for Social Justice . The class is taught by  Anne Firth Murray. She has done amazing work, such as, creating the  Global Fund for Women, which supports local organizations around the world doing work for the well being of women. In 2005, she was one of 1000 women nominated for the Nobel Prize. She is a fantastic professor, very knowledgeable, yet, humble despite her vast experience in social justice work. She designed the course in a brilliant manner with the core theme of agape love as a foundation for personal transformation, transformation of relationships with the world and others, positive social action,  change and community building. She explores agape love through different religious and spiritual traditions, relational dynamics between people (early stages of romantic love versus affiliative companionate love later in the relationship), neuroscience of love and ethical systems of thought, such as. nonviolence as a form of social transformation. Anne Firth Murray discusses application of agape love in different areas, such as business world, health care, and educational institutions.   She interviews different scholars on these topics so that as a student you hear multiple perspectives on topics. She also discusses phenomenon, opposite of agape love: violence, hatred and apathy. We are seeing plenty of this in our  current times. That is why her class is so relevant.

I emailed Anne (she prefers being called Anne)  to ask her for permission to write posts about some of the topics she discusses. She graciously gave me permission  and I will add all bibliographical references to her class. I am also hoping to interview her next month about the application of agape love in social justice. This post is on agape love, the unconditional love that God shows for the world articulated in numerous religious and spiritual traditions, that couples may have for each other, parents have for their children, and teacher may demonstrate in their passion for teaching new ideas to transform hearts and minds. Agape love may be witnessed in healers practicing  their art and science  of alleviating suffering in human beings or creative artists, actors, writers, musicians who relentlessly  develop their passion projects. I am a believer in agape love. Are we called to learn about and practice agape love as human beings? Yes. Is it easy? Absolutely not. It is easier to show agape love more for some people than others. On certain days, it is easier to practice agape love more than on other stressful days. Great spiritual masters seem to have perfected this practice of agape love towards all, with nonreactivity and yogic mind set. On the other hand, I struggle with it. I am a regular person and not a highly spiritually evolved person. The essential and radical act of agape love is tough and it requires great strength, humility, equanimity, self-reflection and courage.

AGAPE LOVE

Great spiritual saints, like Peace Pilgrim stated ( see Message of Peace Pilgrim) that  love is a spiritual law of the universe: intentions, actions marinated in  selfless love and service multiply, resonate, amplify exponentially.  According to Peace Pilgrim, movements, intentions and actions filled with hatred , evil and fear will wither and die out because it is not in alignment with the fundamental spiritual law of love. Some state it is an universal spiritual law, like laws of gravity, electricity and magnetism which govern the material world. .Anne picked Dr. Frances Andrews book (1992), The Art and Practice of Loving, as the textbook for the class. Dr. Andrews (1992) makes a key point that agape love can be demonstrated in seemingly ordinary actions, such as cooking a meal,  gardening, or meditating, as well as, extraordinary actions, like nonviolence movement led by Gandhi in India and Dr. Martin Luther King in the civil rights movement. I also agree with Dr. Andrews’s key question that if loving, referred to as heart wisdom,  is a critical aspect of the human condition, why do we not have manuals or more literature on the fundamental ways of how to love deeply and profoundly, especially when faced with obstacles, such as, experiences of betrayal.  It is astonishing that we seem to have detailed manuals with diagrams and step by step directions in everything else on the planet. Manuals for constructing furniture, repairing plumbing systems, coloring hair, applying nail polish, installing all  kinds of gadgets, such as, i-phones, hair dryers, ovens and manuals to keep our computers safe and running. We seem to be more worried about matters of the digital world than the human heart, a sacred space (in my opinion).

Dr. Fran Grace

Dr. Fran Grace, professor of religious studies and founder of the meditation program at University of Redlands, beautifully defines love in her book, The Power of Love: A Transformed Heart Changes the World.  Dr. Grace (2018, 2019) writes the following about love in her book:

“Love is self-respecting and self-giving. Love is humble and open-hearted. Love is unconditional and nonselective. Love endures all things. Love moves from an inner strength and walks by way of an inner light. Love knows that whatever is done to another is done to oneself: whatever is given and returns to the giver. Love is determined: it finds the opportunity in each obstacle. Love augments the positive: it believes the best. Love is swayed neither by praise nor blame; it treats them as one and the same. Love transcends time… Love lives in the land of “win/win” and “both/and”. Love sees eyes of the heart: it knows the whole and values each part.” (p.xxx).

Swami Vivekanda

Dr. Grace (2018, 2019) writes in her book’s introduction about  Swami Vivekanada , a great Indian spiritual master, Hindu monk, chief discipline of the great Indian mystic saint, Sri RamaKrishna.  In Swami Vivekanda’s  famous speech to the Parliament of the World’s Religions held in Chicago in 1893,  he addressed the crowds “Sisters and Brothers of America” and outlined the spiritual law of love that governs the Universe. Dr. Grace summarizes one of Swami Vivekananda’s main points which is  supremacy of self-less love (Agape love) and that this highest form of love seeks no personal reward. Dr. Grace summarizes Swami Vivekananda’s words , “love unselfishly for love’s sake”.  Swami Vivekananda  introduced Hindu philosophy of  vedanta, yoga and interfaith awareness to the western world.

His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet

His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet, one of my favorite spiritual teachers makes  critical points about the human condition: we are born for love regardless of our national origin, gender, political, cultural and theistic or nontheistic spiritual belief systems,  2. we learn how to love in childhood, 3, we all want happiness. He is so right on all three points.  The Class “Love as a  Force of Social Justice” has a segment where Dr. Paul Harrison, a Buddhist scholar talks about the paradoxical nature of Buddhism, which is concerned about pervasive nature of suffering, but, also search for happiness in the human condition.  It is interesting to note that His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s point about learning to love in early life is supported by psychological and neuroscience research, which delineates the  idea that we learn to love in childhood, especially in our relationship with our primary care-giver. Attachment theory researchers, John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, reported findings that a secure attachment with primary caregiver is a template for healthy relationships that a person may develop through out the life span. Having a secure attachment likely enhances the infant to learn to trust rather than mistrust, according to Erik Erikson’s psychosocial stages. If one learns to trust oneself and selective others, his or her life has amazing possibilities.

Dr. Dan Siegel, developed the paradigm of interpersonal neurobiology, which suggests that the external environment and relationships in the child’s world impact the child’s neural wiring and brain structure and function. However, being the optimist, I am a believer that love can be learned at any age through encounters of loving experience with others. This is also supported by brain plasticity which is the idea that brain is capable of rewiring and learning through out the lifespan.

THE MIGHTY CALL OF AGAPE LOVE

I agree with Dr. Andrews that loving is a practice: using love to transform the raw experience of life. Although, there is evidence that infant temperaments are predisposed to be biologically determined at birth, I believe that practitioner of love  learns to love, find things to love, and transforms the world they live in with love towards self and others. Like the rippling effect of happiness, I believe love has a rippling effect, starts with one person and pervades his or her surroundings. Research shows practices of love, meditating on a loving God (religious act)  or act of peaceful and loving breathing (secular act), change the body and the mind (see Practices of Love on the Brain)   In contrast to love, long term hateful and angry mindsets are not good for the mind, body or spirit. Research findings by Staicu and Cutov, (2010) indicate relationship between anger, hatred and hostility and poor cardiovascular health, hypertension, diabetes, bulimic behaviors, driving mishaps and alcohol use in teenagers. An angry response is related to changes in cardiac, immune and respiratory systems. The carrier of anger is hurt by the toxic effects of the anger more than the person he or she is angry about. The Buddha stated that “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. Additionally, this class on Love as a Force of Social Justice makes the point that when we engage in violent behaviors towards others, it not just hurts others, but it also is an act of violence against self. 

Many different religious and spiritual traditions discuss God’s agape love (Unconditional Love) and Divine Grace (His free Gifts of Love which are undeserved). Agape Love is mind-boggling. God equally loves you and your worst enemy the same way. Jesus Christ, the God-man, washed the feet of both Judas Ischariot and John. Judas  identified Christ with a kiss to betray him to His enemies for thirty shillings. John is described as the one whom Christ loved. Yet Christ gave His life for both Judas and John. Incomprehensible.

According to Dr. Bloom’s article,   there is discussion of “Buddhas to be” (Bodhisattvas) who are on the path of enlightenment, but, along their spiritual paths, they develop deep compassion for people and instead of pursuing their own enlightenment, they devote their energy in helping and guiding other people gravitate towards enlightenment . That is the most selfless thing ever. In the class, Love as a  Force for Social Justice, Dr. Paul Harrison discussed the concept of interbeing in Buddhism where spiritual advancement means realizing that there is no difference between self and others. Dr. Harrison explains that a bodhisattva’s practice of compassion towards others is not separate  from himself or herself. The bodhisattva does not see the difference between self and others. His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet argues that love and compassion is not just based on the heart but grounded also in reason so that  regardless of someone else’s behaviors, one must demonstrate loving kindness.

In Hinduism, the four paths of yoga or union with the Divine include bhakti yoga, karma yoga, jnana yoga and raga yoga. Bhakti yoga is the path of loving devotion and service to the Divine. Karma yoga is selfless action which surrenders results to the Divine One with no personal benefit. Jnana yoga is intellectual pursuit of the Divine Source, soul and union with Divine. Raja yoga is based on meditation, self control and developing the yogic mind. Interestingly, a very wise aunt of mine told me her view that bhakti yoga has to be the basis for all other yogas because only when one loves a practice, one can pursue it. 

Acts of Agape Love in Life.

Now the fascinating question that Anne poses in her class is to have students do an intentional act of agape in their lives each week and write a reflective discussion of this for class assignment. I find that it is easy to do acts of agape love for people you like and love. It is challenging to do agape love for the enemy, “the other” who has hurt me. There, I stumble and struggle. I find it very difficult to break bread with the enemy. I am also reminded of Pastor Rick Warren’s statement that “hurt people hurt others” and  hurt people need agape love the most. In the class, there is a section where His Holiness the Dalai Lama states in his precise and brilliant comment on human nature that it is “foolish compassion” to show loving kindness just for loved ones and not the enemy. In contrast to foolish compassion, His Holiness the Dalai Lama states that the wise compassion is for the friend and foe. When I read this, I laughed internally rather foolishly as I recognize myself as a practitioner of foolish compassion. I guess in all honesty, I am a practitioner of foolish compassion. But one thing that helped me take one tiny step away from foolish compassion to wise compassion in this class is the  conclusion that compassion for the enemy does not mean breaking bread with the enemy.  I can wish for my enemy’s  happiness, and pray that God Bless bless him or her abundantly. I wish  for good things to come into the life of my enemy.  I hope that they are so ecstatic and delirious with joy in life that they do not bother me ever again or cross paths with me.;). Again, please note that I am a regular person writing about agape love, not a spiritual master.

This also ties into the forgiveness cycle discussed by Archbishop Desmond Tutu where he talks about steps of forgiveness: 1. tell the story, 2. work out your feelings, 3.make the conscious decision to let go of the anger, frustration towards the person who hurt you and 4. release the relationship or resume it. Please see  Truth and Reconciliation Commission   as model of social change in South Africa led by Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

Concluding Thoughts

As I celebrate mother’s day, I am reminded of the profound line ,”I have loved you at your darkest”, in the Bible, Romans 5: 8.. As a faith based person, I interpret this as God’s unconditional love where He has loved me in my joyous moments, feasts of celebration and dances of victory, but, also in the darkest and deepest valleys of my life. As my dear friend states, God does not need sleep, food or rest.  He is always in action and He hears our cries even in the night, when no one else is awake. That is God’s unconditional love for me and the world. Even though I am imperfect in so many ways, the King of Kings loves me. That is wondrous and brings me much joy. That is agape love.

I wonder if the ultimate test in relationships and the world is whether we can love each other (agape love) at our darkest, especially those people we see as the “other”. The pandemic is about as dark as it gets: death, destruction, acts of hatred and violence, and deep division.  It is  easy to love when all is good and feasts abound. It is hard when in seasons of famine, drought, darkness, scarcity,  sickness, turmoil and suffering. Perhaps a step in agape love for the “others” is to recognize our humanity, see something of our selves in others and  to wish the “other” as much happiness and love as we want for ourselves. As the champion of wise compassion, His Holiness the Dalai Lama of Tibet states that we all need love and wish for happiness.

Despite the darkness of the pandemic, the power of agape love is not to be underestimated either. Agape love is healing, resilient, gentle yet strong, gets into the wounds and binds them with grace and lights up human souls. Agape love creates fertile ground for difficult conversations between opposing camps and peace agreements to form. It makes the impossible possible, such as “Davids” of the world are victorious against the “Goliaths”. Dr. Grace describes agape love as powerful as it springs from the heart and soul and creates change as it resonates with people. She distinguishes agape love as powerful, but not forceful. The power of agape love is that it is in alignment with universal law. So Agape love  abounds and is self-generative. There does not seem to have a need for external pressure or force to propel it .

Thank You Readers

Dear Readers:

A Big Thank You for your responses. Since there were a number of questions from readers about this particular blog design, I am referring readers to Dr. Al Ortiz, who designed this blog.  Please feel free to contact Dr. Ortiz at: alortiz@sbnai.com.

Dr. Ortiz is very knowledgeable, very helpful and generous in sharing his expertise in blog design. I am very grateful to Dr. Ortiz for all his work in designing and maintaining this blog. Thank you Dr. Ortiz.

Anindita

Mother Theresa : The Saint Who Mothered the World with Light, Love and yet Experienced Darkness

This post is about Mother Theresa, Saint of Light, Love and Darkness. But I will begin by talking about my mother. I have been missing my mother, Anuradha Ganguly. Her nick name was “Benu”. My mother was not a saint, but, real human being. She showed me love in a powerful way. So I use these lenses and experiences of being mothered by own mother to grasp a glimpse of what made Mother Theresa did for the world:  The Saint Who Mothered the world.

Anuradha Ganguly, my mother, passed away 9 years ago. She celebrated with me in my victories and hugged me tenderly in my defeats. There was a deep bond of love between us, despite, the peaks and valleys in our relationship. In difficult times, I miss my mother’s encouraging words, delicious chutney, and conversations where I was understood and loved by her. Our conversations  lasted hours over hot tea. Growing up in a Bengali home, we always had the kettle on with hot water for chai, Indian black tea and milk. Fights happened between my mother and me, with sharp words flung at each other. This followed mutual words of endearments as we became friends and allies. Her faith was strong. Her prayers were powerful especially for her children, me and my two brothers, as she targeted her prayers with strength, supplication, and ferocious vehemence  to enter Heaven’s gates and propagate to God’s ears. I remember the smell of sandle-wood incense from her puja or prayers. She was from Bankura, a small town in West Bengal.  She was very passionate about making sweets, like “rosogolas”, “sandesh”, and “chumchum”. West Bengal, by the way, is famous for its sweets or “misti”. I happen to have a sweet tooth and she saved the best sweets for me. Her mantra for me in my younger days was “Eat the sweets and worry about your weight later”. Interestingly, she was diabetic and I think one of the most powerful ways she showed her love was giving sweets to us. Giving to others what she was not allowed to eat. She showed much joy in people enjoying her sweets. Anuradha had her eccentricities and challenges, like other human beings. But, Anuradha was a loving, generous and forgiving woman. She made sacrifices for her family.  I found this aspect of her as we both aged and matured.  We grew from mother daughter dynamics into friends over the years. Friendship with my mother in adulthood gave me a compassionate and kind perspective about who she was as a human being. This is when I realized she is a human being, ordinary person who did extraordinary things. She stepped up to the deep calling of “mothering”.  Mothering is beautiful, rewarding and yet can be super-hard.  Mothering is a 24/7  job and once a mother, always a mother. I am nowhere near my mother in terms of loving and forgiving others.

As I was missing my mother, I thought of another mother from Calcutta, West Bengal, Mother Theresa. Saint of Light who dispensed God’s love to the most destitute, dying, sick, and forsaken by the world. She wrote that the greatest pain and suffering in humanity is feeling unwanted and unloved. I agree. As a psychotherapist, the most painful and gut wrenching stories I hear are people’s  experiences of feeling unloved and unwanted. Having meaningful and loving connections with others is good for the mind, body and spirit.

Mother Theresa was deeply in love with Christ. She described hearing “call in a call” from Christ to serve the poorest of the poor. She served, loved and demonstrated God’s love to people, who were destitute, poor, dying, sick and forsaken by the world. Yet, she suffered greatly. She had feelings that God and Christ abandoned her. She felt darkness, loneliness and thirst for Christ which  she did not feel Christ reciprocated for fifty years after Christ called her to serve the poorest of the poor..  Her struggles in her faith journey became public knowledge after she died and her spiritual mentors wrote about her personal pain. This post is a discussion of Mother Theresa, Saint of Light, Saint of Darkness. I also include thoughts on dark nights of the soul, associated with St. John of the Cross,  a great Christian mystic and Mother Theresa. I wonder if many people have experienced dark night of the soul, especially in the pandemic. I have more questions than answers about dark night of the soul. Is dark night of the soul a part of the human condition? What is the difference between dark night of the soul and depression? No idea. So I went back to practical spirituality:  reflections of a faith based person facing trouble. I have added the powerful words of faith warriors: Dr. Maya Angelou and Dr. Wayne Dyer. 

 

 Mother Theresa : Saint of Light and Darkness

I will begin with saying that I am great fan of Mother Theresa. My husband and I had the great Blessing of seeing Mother Theresa in person and getting her Blessings after our marriage in 1995. We are both from the Calcutta area, where Mother Theresa established her ministry. When I caught a glimpse of her, I saw lines of people from all over the world who traveled far and wide to visit her in Calcutta. I remember her frail figure in a white sari with blue borders. What struck me was Mother Theresa’s  eyes :  deep, piercing, unfathomable, kind and compassionate  eyes .  There was a power and depth in her gaze like she saw me completely. She blessed me and my husband and said something to the effect that “Family that prays together stays together”. I do not remember the exact words as I was overwhelmed by the experience of encountering Divine Grace and Love in human form. I will never forget meeting her. The encounter with Mother Theresa was brief with multitude of people clamoring for her. However, it is etched in my mind. Meeting Mother Theresa, even for a few minutes,  was a powerful memory of God’s unconditional, fierce and fearless love for humanity.

Mother Theresa was born as Anjeze Gonxhe Bojaxhiu in 1910 in Skopje, Macadonia.   Prior to starting her own ministry, she joined  Sisters of Loretto in 1928 in Ireland. She traveled to India in 1929 and taught in Loretto Convent in Calcutta. Loretto convents are excellent catholic schools which educate women in many parts of India. Interestingly, I attended  Loretto Convent in Asansol for four years. The nuns taught with rigor and compassion.  I found that attending the only girls catholic Loretto Convent nurtured my curiosity for knowledge.

While traveling on a train to Darjeeling in 1946, Mother Theresa received her calling from Christ to serve the poorest of the poor. She left the academic world of Loretto Convent in Calcutta and established Missionaries of Charity to serve the poor in the slums of Calcutta. Her work spread in helping people who were  destitute, dying on the streets, people with leprosy, AIDS and cancer. She served people who were abandoned at their most vulnerable points in their lives.  She started her missionary work with the faith that God will provide for her. Indeed God did provide abundantly. Her organization grew around the world and she received the Noble Peace Prize. She was an acclaimed and international figure of faith who personified God’s Unconditional Love for all of humanity. She worked with people who were abandoned by the world: the forgotten, discarded, sick, homeless, and dying.  But not forsaken by Mother Theresa and the God she represented. I see Mother Theresa as mother to people who were abandoned. She showed softness, compassion, grace and unconditional love to people who were at their weakest points. I think of Mother Theresa as a mother to people in their greatest hour of despair, like my own mother was to me. Words of comfort and encouragement in the middle of painful experiences are like healing ointments for the heart and soul. One never forgets such people or their words of comfort, kindness and grace.  One of my colleagues called these people who show up in your hour of need as “God with Skin” people. They are earth angels.

Then I came across  this article of Mother Theresa’s faith journey.  The experience of reading about her faith journey after her death  shocked the living daylights out of me. Her spiritual mentors released information from her  letters  after her death where she wrote about her experiences of  darkness, deep abyss of loneliness,  lack of faith, feeling unloved by God and Christ, for Whom she dedicated her life. It is noted that despite her yearning for Christ, she did not feel His Presence in her soul. She talks about the empty hole in her soul. It is stated that she felt forsaken by God for almost fifty years.  She experienced feeling unloved and unwanted by the Love of her Life, Christ.  There are articles written that Mother Theresa served the people who felt most unwanted and unloved because she was familiar with that experience. She stated that the greatest suffering in humanity is not poverty or disease but feelings of being unwanted and unloved. Her deepest pain seems to have played a major role in her ministry. This was shocking to me when I first discovered this information. Some theologians suggest that Mother Theresa’s love for Christ was so deep that Christ shared his deepest state of feeling unloved and unforsaken by His Father before the crucifixion. This showed the humanity of Christ. Christ was Divine, but he knew the deepest pain of feeling unloved before his greatest trial. Despite feeling forsaken, Christ surrendered to God’s Will. So did Mother Theresa. This is the Divine stuff I cannot understand with my mind. Yet, my heart is stunned and tearful about Mother Theresa and Christ’s love for God.

 St. John of the Cross and the Dark Night of the Soul

Mirabai Starr (2002)discussed the concept of dark night of the soul in her book, “Dark Night of the Soul: St. John of the Cross”. Starr writes that St. John of the Cross and St. Theresa of Avila immediately connected because they both felt that the Catholic Church had lost its “holy inspiration” and they both wanted church reforms to go back to the simplicity of service and deep contemplation. St. Theresa of Avila started a movement known as Discalced Carmelite Order, also referred to as “Barefoot Carmelites”. This movement included monks and nuns taking off their shoes and wearing “rough sandals” to symbolize the call to return to simplicity of service. Starr writes that even though King Phillip of Spain approved of reforms, officials in Rome were not approving of reform. In 1577, St. John of the Cross was captured by friars due his involvement in reforming the church. Starr writes that St. John was tortured, flogged, interrogated. When St. John refused to deny the reforms, he was condemned to a tiny space, which was previously a toilet. He was described as starved and brought to the dinning commons to be flogged while other monks ate their meals. Starr states that St. John,  starved, endured a brutal winter and then summer which led to his clothes to rot.  During this period of intense suffering, St. John connected to his relationship with God to survive. Starr stated that as St. John’s suffering continued, he felt fading of Divine Presence. This led him to formulate passionate love poems to his Beloved, God in his poems. Eventually, a Carmelite brother provided pen and paper so that St. John wrote his poems expressing his pain of separation from God. After nine months, St. John escaped miraculously and found reunification with the living God in his heart. He fell into profound ecstasy that he came out of total darkness and found his Beloved, God. He wrote “Songs of the Soul: One Dark Night” describing the ecstatic reunion with his Beloved, God, an pouring of his heart for love of God after the excruciating pain of darkness.

Concluding Thoughts

It may be that the God man, Christ, in his humanity, immediately before the cruxifixtion,  Mother Theresa and St. John of the Cross all perceived feeling abandoned by God, which lead to their experiences of darkness,  loneliness and deep suffering, known as dark night of the soul. If Christ, the God man, and spiritual giants, Mother Theresa and St. John of the Cross reportedly experienced such feelings of being unloved and unwanted at certain points in their lives, I would argue that perhaps this is a more common experience in humanity than previously thought.  These feelings of being unloved, unwanted, and existential aloneness  may exist in some points in life, especially in times of vulnerability.  Maybe more so in this pandemic.

Is dark night of the soul part of the human condition? What are differences between dark night of the soul and depression?

Are people’s perceptions of experiences of feeling unloved, unwanted and loneliness part of certain points in time in the human condition? Starr (2002) writes that St. John’s experiences are part of the human condition. She argues that events, such as, divorce, job loss, career change, trauma may lead to dark night of the soul experiences. What are differences between dark night of the soul and mental health issues, such as depression? Starr (2002) states that dark night of the soul is different from depression.  She differentiates dark night of the soul as St. John experiencing painful emotions as he seeks union with the Divine and he is not concerned about health. According to Starr, St. John may not be seeking to eliminate painful emotions as he may see them as stages to develop into higher spiritual states. Bottom line, I have no answers about the demarcation of the psychological and spiritual arenas  in the dark night of the soul experiences? I do not know the difference between dark night of the soul versus mental health struggles, like depression. This is an area that needs to be explored more in spirituality and psychology.

Practical Spirituality

So I will go back to my practical side as a faith based person dealing with trouble? Practical spirituality include faith based and psychological strategies too. Loving God in dark times is super-hard, a Herculean task. I wonder if this dark night of the soul is a spiritual test of whether we love God for Who He is and not just for the wonderful Blessings He pours on us. Spiritual tests are the most rigorous. By the way, I have always hated academic tests in school. 

Many people, including me, feel anger and frustration at God in tough times. Sticking with God through pain and suffering is probably the greatest spiritual challenge. I have no definitive answers. Just some preliminary thoughts. Again some strategies for dealing with painful situations are differentiating between what you can control versus what you have no control over. Focus on what you can control. Practice possible acceptance strategies on what you cannot control. As a faith based person, practice possible surrender of uncontrollable factors to the Divine Source even if you are questioning why certain things are happening. Surrendering to Divine Will is a tough task. Ask and receive help as needed from professional health care people  or safe family or friends. Remember to notice the positive. One example is to remember how God got you through difficult times in the past and He Will again.  I love Dr. Maya Angelou’s statement that if God got you through this far, He will get you through this too. Another positive strategy is counting Blessings or gratitude practice. Be kind, compassionate and nurturing to yourself.  Develop healthy coping strategies for handling negative feelings.

Faith warriors: Dr. Maya Angelou and Dr. Wayne Dyer

In our times of suffering, God’s will seems incomprehensible. The only solace is that God walks with us in these dark times and good times. A wise person reminded me “God always Blesses” . A reminder that indeed, this difficult time too shall pass.  Interestingly, Dr. Maya Angelou, a woman of strong faith encouraged herself and others to say “Thank You” to God for trouble because she said at the end of the storm comes the beautiful rainbow (Dr. Angelou’s interview with Oprah Winfrey, www.Oprah.com, July 13, 1993). Dr. Angelou’s faith was spectacular, majestic and breathtaking that she is able to say “Thank You” in the face of trouble. This was stunning to me when I first heard it. Dr. Angelou also described her belief that she can do anything set before her because she knows she is a “Child of God”. This suggests her strength and self-efficacy that comes from her relationship with God.

Dr. Angelou also talked about the most important virtue to cultivate is courage. She said that without courage one cannot practice other virtues. So right, Dr. Angelou is. The best definition of courage is to confront the challenge and move forward in the face of fear and adversity. Tough stuff.

 I will end with a powerful quote of Dr. Wayne Dyer: 

“If you knew who walked beside you at all times, on the path that you have chosen, you could never experience fear or doubt again.”

The challenge is to remember this when we are walking through darkness and experiencing feelings of unloved and loneliness. This is where faith comes in.  In the Bible, Hebrew 11:1 defines “Faith … is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” . I am a big believer that God honors faith.

 

Oodles of Gratitude To Readers

Hello Dear Readers:

I will begin with oodles of gratitude to readers. I am wonderfully surprised, and grateful for the overwhelming number of feedback comments from all of you reading the blog. It is awesome that some of the posts have resonated with readers. Dr. Wayne Dyer ‘s quote, “We are Divine enough to ask and we are important enough to receive”  impacted me powerfully. My interpretation is that as human beings, we have the Divine Spark in us, that connects us to the Divine Source, God, Universe. Different people have different names for this Divine Source.  I feel that much of what I write is based on questions I have asked as a person on my walk with God and the Divine Guidance I have received. I feel that Divine Guidance has come through so many different pathways: pastors, priests, family and friends,  wise teachers,  colleagues, students, people I have worked with, excellent books and research articles I have read on different topics in psychology and different spiritual and religious traditions, experiences of motherhood and being a wife.  I believe that Divine Guidance and Grace has shaped my life and define who I am. For that I am immensely grateful, which words cannot fully capture.. I am a firm believer that God is infinite, vast, and majestic and  beyond human comprehension. Therefore, my experiences and perspectives in my writings are limited by my human condition.

I believe that each person’s  walk on this planet is personal and unique, which I respect and honor.  I am super happy that readers have found some of the posts integrating spirituality, psychology and philosophy from the East and West  helpful and informative. Please read what is helpful and discard what is not helpful.

BIG THANK YOU TO READERS. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY. :))

Anindita